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TWO NEW TITLES

Haven’t updated here in quite some time! Well, I have two new books out, one at the end of last year, and one just last month!

GOTIE

From the New Bizarro Author imprint of Eraserhead Press (even though I’ve been a bizarro author since my first book SIDESHOW P.I. way back in 2009) comes GENOCIDE ON THE INFINITE EXPRESS.

Synopsis:

A man with no name and no memory finds himself on board a train of infinite length, filled with corpses. All of the corpses are clones of himself, dead versions of him, and no two are exactly the same. They have different haircuts, or beards dyed wild colors; some have tattoos, or piercings, or scars, missing or multiple limbs, or weirder still, are a completely other species… there are dwarf versions of him and dinosaur versions of him and even cartoon cereal box mascot versions of him, all gruesomely murdered. Who is he, who are they, who murdered them, and why? What else can he do but walk, and hope to find answers to the ultimate murder mystery somewhere amongst the endless corpses?

And…

OD Cover ebook Good2Go

From Black Rainbows Press, my extreme bizarro horror OPPOSITE DAY!

Synopsis

Nobody remembers the Opposite Day massacre at the Big Top amusement park…Nobody EVER remembers the massacre because nobody ever SURVIVES it…Harper thinks she is having a bad day. Having lost a great job, her home, and her girlfriend, she now works at the Big Top amusement park, entertaining guests… if “entertaining” means being sexually assaulted by the drugged up perverts who invade the park at twilight. But Harper doesn’t know what a bad day is, not yet… because Harper doesn’t know that today is the anniversary of the worst massacre in human history… today is Opposite Day, when fun becomes terror, laughter becomes screaming, and the whole world is turned upside down in an orgy of skull-fucking, stomach-bursting, genital-grinding ultra-violence.

Click on the covers to buy in Kindle and Print editions.

OK, what else?

Well, my extremely controversial DAMNATION 101 has officially gone out of print. Strangehouse Books, the publisher are concentrating on having a female only roster these days, so I will be looking for a second home for the old beast… and forthcoming from me this year I have a whole slew of titles lined up, including THE GARDEN GNOME, THE LOLLIPOP MAN, THE MICROWAVE, VICIOUS, and, THE BEAST WITH TWO BACKS, FIVE CUNTS, AND A THIRTY-SIX INCH PENIS WITH SEVERED BABY ARMS SEWN ONTO IT TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A CENTIPEDE… AND OTHER HORROR STORY CLICHÉS.

EXEUNT ALICE

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I have a new book out! Actually, there is another one that came out this year with a really long title which I forgot to post about because I’m a feckin’ eejit, but for now…

REVISED & RE-RELEASED

A third adventure for the dream-child… ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND and its sequel THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS are two classics of children’s literature following the nonsensical travels of the eponymous heroine, filled with scenes and characters that have become iconic and loved for generations. EXEUNT ALICE is a third tale for Lewis Carroll’s dream-child, imagining that at the end of his life he left an unpublished and final part of an “Alice” trilogy, a short and unedited first draft, presented here with footnotes and an analysis that, in keeping with the conceit, treat the story as a genuine “lost” manuscript. A meta-fiction, a meditation, and an affectionate homage.

 

From the introduction…

 

AN ALTERNATIVE “ALICE”

Author’s Notes, Which Usually Come Afterward

I originally released Exeunt Alice under the name of Lewis Carroll. Why? Because I called it a “metafiction”, a text in which the boundaries between fiction and reality are blurred. A lot of people thought the book was a deliberate hoax, and called it such. Well, on reflection, I’ve decided to re-issue it and call it what it really is.

It’s fan-fiction.

There, I said it.

I’m a Bizarro writer. Bizarro is the genre of the weird, and Carroll is a massive influence on it. Hell, the genre’s major award is named the Wonderland, and the bloke known as “the godfather of Bizarro fiction”, Carlton Mellick III, has even written his own riff on Carroll’s classic, Adolf in Wonderland.

I love the “Alice” books, so I have a lot of different editions of them; my favourites are the ones which are heavily annotated, because I also love footnotes, which is my excuse for why Exeunt has so many. So, yeah, this is fan-fiction, because like many fans who never want their favourite franchises to end, I have taken matters into my own hands. I’m not the only one either; not only are endless adaptations and re-imaginings of the original books still produced every year, but other writers before me have penned new adventures for Carroll’s dream-child, some of which I list in a bibliography after the actual introduction to this book (it will make sense when you get there, keeping in mind that the metafictional conceit Exeunt Alice is supposed to have been written by Carroll.)

I have plans for further alternative “Alice” books. I want to write a more modern, gritty adventure for a start, featuring an up-to-date Alice, who will probably be utterly horrible.

Anyway, for now, here is my attempt at writing a third “Alice” after Carroll, and whilst it can never be as good as the originals, I hope you will forgive this fan-boy his vanity in publishing this poor effort.

Hey, at least I didn’t do any shipping…

A Foreign Language Review of SKIDSTAIN HALO

http://salon-litteraire.linternaute.com/fr/kevin-sweeney/review/1947160-skidstain-halo-de-kevin-sweeney

Translation:

SKIDSTAIN HALO, by Kevin Sweeney. Reviewer : Paul Sunderland (04/06/18).

The French word for “skid” is “déraper”. “Tache” translates “stain”, but “skidstain ” is “trace de pneus dans le slibard” (“pneu ” is “tyre”, “slibard” is slang for “shorts”, “panties”, “tighties”). “Halo ” poses no problem as it is the same word in French, yet what are we to make of “skidstain halo”? “Un halo en trace(s) de pneus “? Indeed, though to be more accurate, it sounds better to say “auréole en trace(s) de pneus”. The “auréole” testifies to the state of saintliness despite the, shall I say, oxymoronic grouping of “auréole” and “trace de pneus”, because in this short novel, the action takes place in Heaven. But Heaven is not what it used to be.

Since Satan went into retirement, Hell has closed up shop, and everybody goes to Heaven, even the worst cases, even serial killer Zinloos Geweld (which can be read “senseless violence”, “violence aveugle”), guilty of countless murders and assassinations in the course of her terrestrial existence. The main problem with Heaven, besides its ever-growing state of decrepitude, is that it’s a drag. Kevin Sweeney uses Woody Allen’s famous aporia (“Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end”), but twists it significantly, because in his novel, eternity has no end. Whereas Allen’s sentence brings out how dependent we are on our perception of time as a linear thrust made of succession, Sweeney, all in all, doesn’t do anything else but he doesn’t do just that. He also derides wildly and joyously our habitual religious representations. What seems to me to tell a lot, on the other hand, is the kind of appendix we read at the end of the book. There, in a few lines written in a sober style, I believe Kevin Sweeney shows that he is not so much a nihilist (atheist) as an agnostic; as far as I can see, he is permeable to the notion of transcendence. This addition may not have been essential to his purpose as any intelligent reader will see for him/herself on perusing Skidstain Halo.

It would indeed be too easy to just read this novel in a superficial way under the pretext of its belonging to the bizarro genre and of its subsequent liberal displaying of surrealistic violence and obscenity. Heaven has become a gigantic conglomerate of theme parks. Zinloos, who does not fit in anywhere, ends up selecting an arena dedicated to endless fights between teams of killers, monsters, super-heroes and super-villains, all more unlikely than the other, but which Sweeney masterfully ties in with pop culture. Skidstain is the name of the place. In a beyond where saints’ and angels’ haloes are made of recycled products (for want of anything more appropriate), points are won during a fight according to a player’s ability to defecate inside the halo worn by an opponent who, even dead, even atom-blasted, regenerates very quickly. These brief remarks should allow us to understand that the author is also very competent at using those worlds which we keep trying to swap for a reality either philosophically unsatisfying (failure of ideologies, and their rejection) or top-down (extremisms, rejection of confessors, advisers, spin doctors, and the like). All in all, Sweeney goes into overdrive and etches caricatures with no holds barred, because Skidstain Halo is also a very funny novel. Zinloos, in this geek universe (which is really ours), starts as a sort of shapeless, unfulfilled being (she doesn’t know who she is, what she actually is) and eventually gains consistence and self-awareness. In other words, she discovers her true identity by going beyond certain rules of action that are so crystallized in boredom and repetitivity that they border on sheer senselessness. For that matter, it is very interesting to learn, in the final lines of the novel, where the Creator, God Himself, exactly stands in these worlds which have reached the end of their tether.

As above, so below. As below, so above, but we have lost our sense of hierarchies and ends. It is fortunate that a ruthless and friendly killer should invite us to the party. On a more personal level, it’s the first time I’ve read Kevin Sweeney; I’m looking forward to discovering his other texts.

Review of THE CHURCH OF LATTER-DAY EUGENICS by Chris Kelso & Tom Bradley

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I’ve read and enjoyed both Kelso and Bradley before, so I came to this collaborative effort with high expectations and a few doubts. Well, the expectations have been met, and the doubts stomped down the drain like an accidental bowel movement had whilst showering… sorry, sorry, please blame that crude imagery on the fact that the protagonist of this story, an unsavoury gutter-journalist called Fulton, has left a little of his grubbiness upon me.

Where was I? Right, expectations and doubts.

My expectations were high because I’ve encountered the works of both authors before, though as singular entities, and they both more than deliver the goods every time. The doubts I had came from the manner of the goods they are able to deliver; Kelso I know from the ultra-hip and highly speculative end of independent lit, whereas Bradly is the veriest avatar of anarchic erudition. Both scare me to the point of pooping in the shower, where one is so young and yet so bloody talented, and the other wields a sledgehammer intellect in a literary scene where most carry ping-pong paddles… which is all my ham-fisted way of saying, how could two very different yet brilliant writers possibly produce a cohesive joint venture? I don’t know, but they did because THE CHURCH OF LATTER-DAY EUGENICS is a riotous romp.

(Oh, and special mention to the awesome illustrations by Nick Patterson throughout, which bear just a hint of James Gillray about them.)

monster

Wow, haven’t updated in a while… so I started off the New Year by appearing as an extra in the upcoming horror movie MONSTER.

Let’s see, I also have a new book coming out very soon, probably before the end of the month, called JAMES & THE GIANT PULSATING MASS OF PISSING, SHITTING, SCREAMING, PUKING, BURPING, BLEEDING, FARTING, SWEATING, EJACULATING GENETICALLY MODIFIED MUTANT MONSTER MEAT.

Also slated for release this year is GENOCIDE ON THE INFINITE EXPRESS, A CLOCKWORK AUBERGINE, and I’m currently finishing up OPPOSITE DAY.

So yeah, lots coming down the pipe.

MONSTER COOKIES!

MC

Armageddon was not what anybody imagined. Instead of a world nuked to ashes, something a lot weirder happened… Om-nom-nomageddon.
The entire world turned into food.
Meatloaf mountains with peaks of white mayonnaise. Deserts of instant coffee granules. Lollipop rainforests. Cola oceans. Even the animals have been transformed; gummi polar bears roaming the ice-cream Arctic, whilst jello elephants and candy cane zebras graze the African veldt.
For the few remaining humans who live in this smorgasbord Eden, life is a nightmare. Hunted for their skin to make fashionable clothing, Homo Sapiens are a resource being exploited towards extinction by the new dominant species… Gingerbread Men.
A bizarro B-movie, MONSTER COOKIES is an R-rated CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS served with a MAD MAX sauce.

I love the cover, and Doug Taylor who penned the wonderful introduction has written movies starring the likes of Jason Statham and William Shatner. The whole Cinema of Awesomeness series really lives up to the name.

SATAN’S LITTLE HELPER

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Stuffed full of Xmas magic and stomach churning ultra-violence, it’s THE HUNGER GAMES garroted with fairy lights and force fed to THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS! The devil only wants to be adored, and thinks that remaking himself as “Satan Claus” will win the hearts of the world’s children. From dictator of Hell to beloved myth of childhood, it’s certainly an ambitious career change. He totally fucks it up. Trying to set things right, he invites children from every country in the world to the North Pole to take part in a contest, a scavenger hunt, with the winners becoming his little helpers on Xmas Eve. With Adolf the Red-Nosed Reichdeer and his army of dwarf Elvis Presley clones helping, it’s bound to be a success… Except for one problem. All the kids are armed to the teeth. And all the kids want to kill him.